Nobody says the Chatsworth Estate is the Garden of Eden
but it's been a good home to me, Frank Gallagher, and me kids, who
I'm a proud of cos every single one of them reminds me and little ofme.
They can all think for themselves,
which they've got me to thank for.
Quick, leg it!
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is why
a nobody calls him Philip any more.
Ian, a lot like his mam,
which is handy because she's disappeared into thin air. And Carl.
We daren't let him grow his hair for two reasons.
One, it makes it stand on end and makes him
look like Toyah. Two, nits love it.
Debbie! Sent by God, total angel. You have to check your change
but she'll go miles out of her way to do you a favour.
Plus little Liam. He's gonna be a star some day.
Wicked!
Sheila, me bird. Couldn't be happier.
One plate short of a full set, like.
Carol and Martin, the lodgers from hell. The last of the lonely hearts
and a psychologist's wet dream. Still, nobody's perfect.
But, all of them, to a man, know first and foremost one of
the most vital necessities in life is they know how to throw a party!
Scatter!
Don't misunderstand me. I'm still anxious, depressed, panicked.
I get the shakes, day sweats, night terrors, palpitations.
Heads, stomachs, chests, pins, needles, ham spasms.
Leg spasms, facial spasms.
I'm obsessive compulsive and a constant fear of social exposure.
And there's the odd mouth ulcer. So I can't say I'm cured.
I thought Frank's death would trample my world to dust. But I've moved on.
(BOTH SIGH)
I own my grief, that's what Jesus says anyway.
He knows...everything.
Shit! Why didn't you wake us?!
It's me anniversary!
She's got to find out some time.
Oh, don't go. Monica wants flum-flum.
Jesus, I knew Norma was the strong, silent type.
Didn't know she couldn't speak because her tongue's worn out.
Trying to do some washing. >
Piss off. >
Snap out of it, you've been dumped!
She's a slag.
No, she's not a slag.
She'll fill in until the slag turned up.
I liked her.
You deserve better. You are better.
Don't give me that self-esteem bollocks. I'm dumped.
You must be a piece of shit then.
(BABY CRIES)
She's wet. We need more nappies. >
I'll sort it.
What with?
Every bugger's...
They'll see us! Get shoo of 'em!
Why would I want to do that?
Because...
Just, just, just do it! And I'll... I'll...
Come straight back to Monica, yeah?
In an hour.
An hour?! I can't!
Fuck, Monica! Fucking flum-flum!
Sauce won't cure erectile problems.
That ain't why she chucked me.
She given you the elbow?
It's no-one else's business.
Just leave it, will you?
Oh, it's a cracking day out. Fancy doing something?
Want to bunk off? I could cook us all a big breakfast and we could
go to the city farm later.
I'll take Katie.
Must dash. Shopping to do.
I'm at me mum's.
Nice work, Mon.
Clever.
I want you back in an hour or I'm coming to get you.
Out of your league.
Women in uniforms.
Never done it for me until now.
Except for nurses.
Obviously. French maids?
Out! Keep your hands where I can see them!
When she says barred she means barred!
Always call for back-up. I do.
Heneeds back-up.
He could be packing a blade.
Razors in his trainers, anything. Seen it all.
Didn't see that coming.
Don't worry, he can consider himself well nicked.
He'll be on a cold slab with a ticket on his toe by sundown.
Sheila?
Sheila. You'll never guess what.
You've been out of your paper, love?
Yeah.
(When have I ever been out for a paper?!) We all set then?
No. I'm getting behind myself. Karen's looking after the twins.
Oh, right, well,
I'll get out of your way, then.
Said I'd fix Carl's door.
You know, trashed it when he was
shitfaced. Naughty little...cunt.
Haven't you got me a present?
Oh, I can't, love.
Not now, I've got a touch of the morning brewers.
You know, every night. It was bound to strike some time.
I'm not a teenager any more! Thank Christ!
Permanent lob-on's all he's got going for him!
It happens to the best of them.
Hey, I'll make it up to ya.
I know it happens to the best of them.
Cos you are the best of them.
(MOUTHS)
Shh.
Shh!
Oh, an egg. Oh, haven't got an egg.
Haven't got an egg. Um. Oh. Oh, oh!
Tell her!
Oh, not today! Have a heart!
Oh, tell her!
No, it can't! No, I won't! I can't!
(GROANS) Tomorrow then!
Yeah!
Promise?! Promise!
(PANTS AND MOANS)
(BOTH PANT AND SIGH)
KNOCK ON DOOR
Frank!
It's sodding Sheila!
Frank! (BREATHLESS) Frank! Hello!
All right, She? Come in, sweetheart.
Just wait there. It's all right.
You don't half get out and about for an agra-fucking-phobic, you.
(BREATHLESS) Yeah, I forgot. Open the door. Here I am.
What d'you want?
Eggs. I can't go to the shops.
Need eggs. Thank you.
Monica.
Sheila.
MUFFLED SHOUTS
Frank's invited me to your anniversary party...
EGG CRACKS
..to show there's no ill feeling.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Oh, piss off!
Hello. Mr lesbian, it's just Sheila.
What?
D'you want to come to my party?
Monica's coming.
You'll never get it working.
It's been here years.
You still at that? Why don't you nick a new one?
It's not for me, it's for Mickey.
Why don't you make a nice new one for him then?
He stayed out again last night.
I'll murder the little twat when I see him.
Any of you seen him?
Fucking useless. Honest to God.
How many brothers you got, Jamie?
Oi. Got yourself a job yet?
Just considering my options.
Oh, aye? You just hold out for the full 3.50 an hour, son.
Why shouldn't you get the illegal immigrant rate?
You've got the authentic grease ball look.
Iwilllook after my daughter.
And yours. Do whatever I have to.
Except work for me.
Yeah.
Don't come crying to me when you're on the bones of your fucking arse!
(BABY CRIES)
Um. D'you think you can see to Nigel for me?
Course I will.
Oh, God. I've got so much to do! Oh!
DOORBELL RINGS
Guests!
It's started! It's started!
(BABY CRIES)
Happy anniversary! Oh, no! It's mine!
Come in! Come in.
♪ I'm obsessive
♪ And just because I'm used to it
♪ I'm aggressive... ♪
Pork pie, Debbie?
No, I've had four.
Have another.
Oh, guests! More guests!
I'll grab a pie.
Who could it be?
Torture.
Yeah.
May as well get mangled then.
Nice shoes. Look, everyone. It's the lesbians!
I'll have one. Mouth like a teacher's...
Sheila.
Pork pie?
No, I haven't eaten owt with a face since 1986.
Me and Mon are vegetarians.
She hasn't eaten meat since she left Frank. Is there owt veggie?
Cake?
# You are making this hard
♪ You got me tossing and turning... ♪
No, no, wait!
I've got an announcement to make!
Frank and I are finally going on a honeymoon!
CHEERING
You what? Where?
We're going on a cruise.
Where to?
Mediterranean, one week.
CHEERING
But I haven't got a passport.
I've got you one.
I've been planning it for months.
CHEERING
♪ Good morning, miss... ♪
Tell her now!
She's not what do you think. She's unstable.
There's knotted violence in her. She needs careful handling.
Sod it. I'll tell her then. Put the lame bitch out of her misery.
OK! OK! OK!
Go down, blurt it out.
You and me... Ee! Ee! Just make sure she's not near any sharp objects.
Look her in the eye, right,
and then tell me you don't believe me.
Go on.
♪ Welcome to the house of fun
♪ Now I've come of age
♪ Welcome to the lion's den
♪ Temptation's on its way
♪ Welcome to the house of fun...
SINISTER WHINING DROWNS MUSIC
♪ Sixteen big boy full pint in my... ♪
I've got an announcement to make.
There's something you ought to know, Sheila.
The cake's beautiful.
SCATTERED APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
♪ I'm sorry, son
♪ But we don't stock
♪ Party gimmicks in this shop
♪ Try the house of fun... ♪
SINISTER WHINING DROWNS MUSIC
'She hasn't eaten meat since she left Frank.'
You're not a vegetarian!
And you're not a lesbian!
And you're having sex with my Frank!
GASPS
♪ Well, hello, Joe, hello Miss Clay
♪ Many happy returns from the day
♪ Welcome to the house of fun
♪ Now I've come of age
♪ Welcome to the house of fun
♪ Welcome to the lion's den
♪ Temptation's on his way
♪ Welcome to the house of fun... ♪
She went mental. I've never seen anyone act like that on Es before.
Must have reacted with all the other stuff rattling around in her.
Imagine the state of her insides.
Mum and Dad shagging!
It's disgusting!
Following his dick instead of the beer, that's the surprise.
Are you gonna help us out, or what?
May as well, while you're looking for a job.
Dunno. What d'you want me to do?
Pick up the crap from people's houses and bring it back here.
I'll do that. Yeah?
How much is there?
Not much.
All right. I'm in.
Nice one.
Why d'you think they didn't wanna do it, stupid?
Oh, piss off.
Other people get ditched and survive, don't be so soft.
It's hard the first time, Deb.
Just as hard doing it. I bet Ollie's in bits.
Bitch loved it.
Not flipped then?
What, and miss you screw up?
I want revenge. And I can get it without doing a thing.
All I've got to do is sit here
and watch you get it on with that greasy streak of alcoholic piss.
Hey, and I'm gonna laugh.
You still love me, don't you, Pixie?
Flesh eater.
Sheila-a-a-a!
(SHE SOBS)
Not a bad little station, nice lot, on the whole. Watch Sergeant Fibbs,
he doesn't like you bibbing your siren at the end of your shift.
I'm not here to make pals, I'm here to serve the community
and fight crime.
Is that that lad from the shop?
We know him.
Who is it? Kyle Gallagher. Villain?
No, big family, having a yard sale.
Rag-and-bone sort of thing.
Collecting unwanted stuff, saw the leaflet.
Registered for tax? Doubt it.
Then it's illegal. I'll shake him down.
It's all right, he's a good lad. There's no harm in him.
That's twice.
Touch me without permission a third time, and you'll know about harm.
I'll crush every bone in your tiny little hand.
Put all the clothes on the fence over here,
put all the electrical stuff there.
You even look like Ian Beale.
This could be the start of something,
getting stuff for nothing and selling it, there's money in junk.
You reckon?
Yeah. That Laura Ashley started her business on the kitchen table.
You shouldn't be saying that, if you don't want everyone sussing out you're a gaylord.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Can you just...?
Yeah. Of course.
What if he hasn't seen him? He's always all right.
He's not.
I might have...
I don't know.
If you have hurt him, they won't send you down. Not with your nerves.
They won't!
Not prison, anyway.
What?
Something's buried.
I've buried something.
What?
I think I've hurt your father.
And buried him in the garden?
You couldn't even fit his head in a hole that size.
Probably catch it.
I did something. Please dig. Just dig.
Please.
You wouldn't.
Although, the knife stuff was a bit weird.
I never hurt him with a knife. I'm an expert.
Dig.
There's something here.
What is it?
It's in a plastic bag.
Oh, my God! What have I done to him? Oh, Frank!
There's stuff here that we might actually sell.
Fuck!
What?
Fuck.
What?
It's a fuckin' hand.
What?
Fuck! Shit!
POLICE SIREN
That's me, that.
You think it's funny, do you? Defacing public property?
I suppose it is quite funny, yeah.
Shit!
What are you doing?
Spoke can write on wall but spoke cannot boast about it to copper.
Bastards!
It's his big cock! He's Carl.
It's the lad from the shop. Book him. Assaulting an officer.
It wasn't him.
Fucking knob!
What are we gonna do with him?
Apologise, or arrest him, I don't know.
Hey! Armed robbery. Panic Street!
Are you all right, Carl?
Bastards! My fuckin' eyes!
Bastards...
Where did you get the cardboardbox? It used to have an iron inside it.
I can't fuckin' see.
Stop pissing about, where did you get it from, it's important!
I wasn't even doing anything.
Shut up, Carl, we just need to know.
What?
A cardboard box, about so big.
What's for us?
Totally bleeding obvious, take it and shift your arse.
It was the Maguires.
Are you sure?
It fuckin' really hurts!
They're trying to fuck up our sales.
Why would they do that?
You heard him, he wants me in his pocket. Well, bollocks to 'em!
Lip, don't be a dick!
I don't want your job.
You had no need to do that.
It's fuckin' sick, Barry.
What is?
I know. I know about the hand.
Is this code?
A fuckin' human hand you sent us in a box.
Oh, that? Well, yes, that completely slipped my mind.
I mean, I send so many hands, I just can't keep track!
A hand? Fuckin' gobshite.
Come on, Lip. Come on.
Fuck off!
Your son, he's some manner of a twat, isn't he?
Glad some bugger else noticed, I've been saying it for years.
Did you hear that?
Has our Mickey come back yet?
Frank!
Frank! Thank God!
Thank God, I thought I'd lost you, thank God you're safe!
So, is this all forgive, forget, it's all in the past, move on?
No.
No, it's not.
I need to talk to your Monica.
I'll go get her.
Oi! What are you doing?
Stop it!
Where's my son?
Where's the rest...of my son?
You won't find him, Dad.
You won't find him.
Get off!
What's happened?
What is it?
It's what I did.
While I was inside. The family of the lad I killed have got us back.
I sent them a hand, they never got the rest.
Look, neither will we.
I killed one of theirs, now they've killed one of ours.
Fuck you!
Fu-u-uck!!
Where's the hand?
In the freezer.
Get it. We need to take him home to his mother.
You get it.
Go and get it!
Not that one, please, Jesus!
Not my baby. My little baby.
Oh, not sweet Micky.
I'd swap anyone for him.
Micky!What?
I said I was in Bolton. What?
Oh, Micky!
(SOBBING)
Oh, shit.
It's Feargal.
They've taken my Feargal!
(SCREAMS)
SCREAMS FADE OUT
Do you agree?
All right.
Yeah, yeah.
It's all down to me, innit?
I'm going under, here.
Can't someone take the load off my shoulders?
No, they can't.
You've got to choose.
Why?
I'll take you back but I won't share you.
Neither will I.
You've got to want me.
And me.
Oh, sweet Jesus.
I've spoken to the cruise people. >
They said we could join it in Malta.
Please come with me. >
I've booked a cab for 3 o'clock tomorrow.
If you're not there, I know our marriage is over.
No pressure then(!)
Tomorrow?! That quick?
You don't want much, do you?
How can I decide?
It's up to you.
Follow your heart.
Bye, Frank. >
Not a fucking word. Get up.
I need a priest.
This can't be right.
Shut up, I'm in charge.
Just get fucking dressed.
Right, coming, ready or not.
TOILET FLUSHES
Not again.
Oh, thank fuck!
How the fuck could you mistake this for a fucking priest?!
He's about 12.
He's wearing tracky bottoms.
They're getting younger, aren't they?
Jesus!
I'd expect it of him but how didyoulet this happen?
I did say. We're supposed to knock a priest up, not fucking kidnap...
Look at the state of him!
What are you, son. A rent boy or a drug dealer?
Bit of both. Wanna buy some coke?
No, I don't want to buy any fucking coke!
All I want is a priest...
..to bury my boy.
I could do it.
Cheeky fuck!
Altar boy. Know it off by heart.
Know how to keep my gob shut, too.
Two birds scrapping over you.
Sounds better than it is.
Should've had 'em mud-wrestling over us.
I'm amazed you can get any woman.
Go with mum.
What, so you don't have to deal with Looney Tunes? Good old Frank taking the burden off yer hands?
Bugger off then!
She only needs something pathetic to look after. I'll buy her a dog that's been run over.
Cheaper and less likely to piss the bed.
I'll get that.
You, out.You're barred.
He's got to decide on his own.
Whose side are you on, then?
Out.
God, I don't know what to do. Give me a sign, for fuck's sake.
A sign!
What do you want?
This is what a firing squad looks like. Dead eyes staring.
That's what I want the blindfold for, not the bullets.
How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child.
Never mind ten of the twats. Most kids want their parents together.
Most kids want their parents alive.
You can't do it to Sheila.
What, scared I'll be out on my arse after moving back in?
Christ, I hadn't even thought about that.
Choose Sheila, she's the best thing about you.
What do you think?
Sheila's nice but if you and mum got back together, that's OK, too.
Dad, do the right thing for once.
Deb.. don't... I don't...
I need a drink.
Lord, grant Feargal rest.
ALL: Grant your servant Lord, a place of rest.
We commend the soul of Feargal,
though dead to this world, he's got life forever with you.
Forgive whatever sins he may have committed
through...
through Christ our Lord, Amen.
ALL: And let light perpetual shine on him in heaven.
(SOBBING)
Eternal rest grant to him, O Lord, Amen.
Dad? You alive?
I'll tell you after further chemical assistance.
You've sorted your head out?
When I do, you'll be the second to know.
Something I found in the loft.
It might help you.
Thank you, I'll treasure it.
What's with the cheesy grin? I thought you were a miserable sod.
I've got a big cock.
Course you have, you take after me.
I don't, do it?
Are you on your own?
No, Debbie's outside.
I'll go in then.
You'll be shouting at a shut door. He's all right.
I checked the walls - there's no writing the same.
I knew there wouldn't be because I knew who wrote it.
Yeah, who?
Holly.
I reckon it's her way of saying sorry.
She's history then?
Sort of.
I thought I might ask her out again.
That's so not a good idea.
Why?
Carl, she didn't write it, I did.
What?
I thought it'd cheer you up.
Lovely service, Father.
Thanks.
Well done. Come and see me.
So it's off then?
Do you want to tell Paddy we're having a garden sale today?
He's buried and I want blood.
Blood for blood. Fuck going straight.
You're to blame. You'll spill blood for my Feargal.
Your brother.
What are you doing here? You've only got till three.
Drinking. Get us a pint.
Oh, fucking hell.
Needed the money though.
I'm the one out of pocket.
Yeah, I'm the one with overheads.
Jesus.
Don't even think about it.
Ready?
I'm not going.
Nobody's going.
You what?
It's my debt.
I killed, they've killed back.
No more or it'll go on.
And the next time, it'll be Shane or Micky or you.
It stops. We stop now.
Yeah, you've always been a comical boy, son.
Give it me.
What?
You're not leaving here with a gun.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
I'm the arsehole who spent his 20s rotting in prison
because he believed the family lie about being a fucking hard man.
I'll tell you what I promised myself, shall I?
Whiling away my best years?
I promised I would never, ever let might my fucked-up family
force me to do something I didn't want to do, ever a-fucking-gain.
Now, give me that gun before I tear your fucking head off.
If anything happens to one of theirs, I'll hear about it.
So are we going to do this prick or what?
General Custer.
Or is he with the other lot?
Choice. Choice.
Choice.
It's all freedom of choice. Innit?
Parental choice, patient choice.
I'll have that here. No, I'll have that here.
A pinch or a punch.
No, no, no, no!
I demand the freedom not to choose.
I choose not to fucking choose.
That is my final choice.
Fuck it, I'll toss for it.
'Dad, do the right thing for once.
'Go with Mum.
'You have to choose Sheila, she's the best thing about you.
'Sheila's nice but, if you and Mum got back together,
'that's OK too.'
♪ For making your mind up
♪ For making your mind up. ♪
Sheila! Sheila! Sheila!
Frank!
Sheila.
I... I didn't think...
I thought you'd left me.
Simplest thing in the world. I choose you.
I want you, only you.
I'm sorry I made you wait. But it's you.
I can't believe it's taken me so long to see it.
You're perfect for me. We fit.
I know, I told you.
I mean,
you've made my life.
It's the best it's ever been and that's down to you. You, Sheila.
Thank you.
I'm sorry about Monica.
She's a recurring illness, rips my innards out and makes me feel like 18 years old.
You're what I need.
You.
I do...
love you.
I love you too.
Let's get your passport.
It's like being re-fucking-born again!
At last. And you Frank Gallagher,
Frank Gallagher knows his mind for once. I feel like
I could do anything. Nothing's beyond me. Anything.
Here, I tell you what,
first thing I'm gonna do when we get back
is divorce that bitch.
She's got no hold over me now.
No more Monica and Frank.
From now on it's gonna be Frank and Sheila. We're a couple.
You're the one that I love.
We're not really married?
Yeah, course we are.
In the eyes of everyone.
You didn't divorce her?
No.
Why didn't you divorce her?
Look, I didn't...
I didn't get round to it.
You lied to me.
You couldn't divorce her, could you?
No...
I feel so ashamed.
What?
You're in thrall to her, aren't you?
I've done everything to make you mine
and you've never been free.
Course I have, don't be daft.
And you don't love me.
God, I do.
I pledged myself to you in front of everybody and you lied to me
and you betrayed me. You betrayed me every day.
It wasn't like that.
You're not a true man.
Look, course I am. Sheila, come on.
I know I don't deserve to be loved.
Of course you do, I love you.
Get off me.
But I deserve better than you.
I'm not a dishcloth.
I'm leaving you.
And I'm not coming back.
Sheila!
Sheila, please, for Pete's sake, woman. Can't a man make one mistake?
I'm begging you, don't do this.
I need you. I do! I'm nothing without you.
I really loved you.
Goodbye, Frank.
Drive on.
Sheila! Sheila! Sheila!
Sheila!
Sheila, talk!
Sheila!
Bye, Frank.
Sheila.
Sheila!
Monica, simplest thing in the world.
I choose you. I want you.
Only you.
I'm sorry I made you wait.
It's you.
(SHEILA) "It probably isn't healthy for me to tell people my husband's dead.
"I hope it doesn't upset you but he is dead to me.
"So it's sort of true.
"I'm happier without him. Happy as I'll ever be.
"I'll write when I can but I don't know when that will be.
"Jesus and I are on a strange and wonderful journey.
"Time and life are precious.
"All my love, Sheila.
"PS. Nigel was sick on the Captain's shoes this morning.
"Who does he take after?"
Yes, it's food.
Right.
There we go.
Come on, everybody, family dinner time.
Hope you're hungry.
Why do we fucking bother, hey?
No, thank you, Your Grace.
Shall we go and get some fish and chips instead?
Last time you did that you went down to the corner shop and you fucked off.
Don't start!
Help us.
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